How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (A 5 Step Guide) (TB)

Do you find yourself comparing your life or career to the people around you and those on social media? 

The good news is that this is totally normal! But that doesn't make it any easier. 

In this week's solo episode, we are discussing why we are all so susceptible to comparison and 5 tips that you can use to help you shift your mindset away from comparing yourself to those around you. 

Enjoy!

Chapters

• 1:39 Why Comparison Hurts In Your 20s
• 2:35 Social Media And Expectations
• 5:14 Tip 1: Spot Your Triggers
• 7:48 Tip 2: Practice Self-Compassion
• 9:37 Tip 3: Consider Other Perspectives
• 11:09 Tip 4: Turn Comparison Into Action
• 11:37 Tip 5: Don’t Let Fear Paralyse You
• 13:16 Five Tips Recap And Comfort Zones

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:17

Welcome back to another episode of the 20s survival guide. This is your host, Emily Astley. If you're new here, hey, this is a great episode to start on, and I just want to say thank you for tuning in and welcome to our little community. But if you're a returning viewer, also we love to see you back. I'm so grateful that you're a loyal, loyal listener. You are going to enjoy this episode. I had a thought the other day, and I don't know why, but I'm sure you guys know who Emma Radicanu is, and she is pretty much 23, 20, 22, probably, basically my age. And I just thought, oh my gosh, this girl has got so much done, and she's living such an incredible life, and she's only in her early 20s. How how am I gonna get there? What have I done? And I just started belittling all of my achievements and thinking, if I'm not, if I'm not Emma Radakanu, like I've just not made it in life, and it's just too late. And then I started to realize that I was just so encapsulated by comparison and it was thieving me of joy. So in this episode, I am going to talk about why comparison is a thief of joy, especially in your 20s, and also how you can avoid comparison, techniques, tips, things that we can do to stop comparing ourselves to others. So let's talk about this because I'm about to go on to five tips which I have found and researched and curated and spent lots of time thinking about, which can help you stop comparing yourselves to others. We all deserve to be happy. So without further ado, let's get into the episode. Please go and subscribe to the podcast, whatever you're watching this on, whether that is Spotify, Apple, uh, YouTube, honestly, there's so many more, and I'm not gonna bore you with naming them. It really means a lot and it helps us grow this little community. So, firstly, I'm gonna give you my opinions as to why we are so susceptible to comparison and why we all do it so much. In this day and age, a big part of it is social media. So we are constantly, constantly filling our brains with what other people are doing because now that that there's social media where there wasn't in our parents' age, it's just so easy to see what other people are doing all the time, and you're like, Okay, this person is an a successful filmmaker, this person is literally a mathematician, and they are making money from social media at the same time. Like, what? You there's just so many different career paths, and you're just like, I don't know where to be where to begin, and then you just start shoving yourself in like a little hole of how much you can achieve, and it's just literally horrible. It's so horrible, and it takes up so much energy. So I think social media is a big reason now why we are so susceptible to comparison. I think another really big reason is that we feel this extra pressure to exceed people's expectations or fulfill them. So that might be what you what your parents um want you to do or what you think they want you to do with your life. When you're at family events and they're asking you what are you doing with your life, I feel like you just have a certain pressure to say something that they are going to be proud of you for, whether it's what you want to do or not. There's just this extra pressure to fulfill your own expectations, other people's expectations, and we'll talk about that because it's so hard to not let that get in the way. And also just actually thinking, can I actually do this? Like, can I achieve what I really want to do? If I don't think I can, then I'm just gonna start comparing myself to others. That is so not me aiming this at anyone because I am not saying that I don't do this. Again, I am not preaching, guys, because I do every single one of those things that I have just said. I fill my brain with social media, which makes me look at people and be like, I wish I had that life. I feel this extra pressure all the time to fulfill people's expectations, whether that's family or whether that's friends, whether that's what I think people will want me to do or look good doing. And I'm always, always thinking, okay, am I actually going to be able to achieve this journey that I want for myself in life? So if you also do that, don't feel bad about yourself because we all do it. That's why I'm about to go on to five tips which I have found and researched and curated and spent lots of time thinking about, which can help you stop comparing yourselves to others. Tip number one, recognize when you're most susceptible to comparison. This is being self-aware and this is noticing when are you most likely to start comparing yourself to others. Are you triggered the most when someone else is talking about their career? And that's probably because you have these strong aspirations career-wise, and when someone else is talking about their triumphs in their career, you then start comparing yourself in that situation because it is an aspect of your life that really, really matters to you. So that is an example of where you'd find yourself triggered by someone and you start comparing yourself in those situations. I'm noticing that I'm comparing myself now. That's the hardest part though, because it's all good and well to compare yourselves in the moment and then afterwards feel, oh, it's really, really annoying. But that's not going to help you catch yourself in the time that you're comparing yourself and realize, oh, what's a what are we talking about right now that's making me feel this way? Why am I feeling this way? Has some event just happened in my life? Have I messed up at work? You know, all these things are important factors that you need to think about when you realize that you're comparing yourself to someone. So let's bring it back to the career example. I am feeling like they are earning more than me and they are smarter than me, and they have a better job with a better boss and a better workplace and a better culture. And you note those down and you start saying, I'm not good enough because I don't have this, and I don't have uh the ability to get a job like that because I'm not as smart and I'm not as this. Write this down and then look back and notice and see, is this actually true or not? Like, do I actually feel that way towards that person? Am I really, do I really want what they have? And also, do I really feel like I'm being true to myself when I'm saying I don't have the ability to get there, you know? Because reality is you'll write that down and think, okay, no, actually, if I be honest with myself, I am smart enough. I am, and I can go and get a job that they also have. I just don't maybe want it. And then once you've done that, you're actually giving yourself time to think, is it just my subconscious trying to eat away at me and make me feel like I'm not good enough? Because sometimes it just is, and you know deep down that you can, you are good enough, and it's just comparison is just genuinely like absolutely the worst thing ever. And once you start doing it more and more, it becomes a habit, just like all things do. The second tip I have is to practice self-compassion, and this is important, right? Because I'm not getting into this episode telling you guys that there is a solution and you can be someone who never compares yourself to others, and it's just it doesn't have to be done, and we can all get over that if we just try. No, let's also be realistic because that's really important. And the reality is that I don't believe anyone who says that they never compare themselves to others. It is just inevitable, and it is something that we are all facing and we're probably gonna face for the rest of our lives, and it's shit, it's actually terrible. But when you're comparing yourself to others, just remember to be kind, like speak nicely to yourself. Genuinely, I know it sounds crazy, but this is this is actually a really interesting thing that I've learned in the past couple of weeks. This is this is actually a really interesting thing that I've learned in the past couple of weeks. I have caught myself being so negative internally. From the minute I wake up, I will catch myself being like, Oh, you're so stupid. This that was so dumb. Why did you say that? Why did you do that? I'm sick of that internal voice. So now I'll even speak to myself. It's kind of weird. But every time I I have that voice that infiltrates into my head, I will literally stop myself in in an internal conversation and say, no, Emily, no, that's not true. You know that's not true. So I'm kind of in a constant war in my head, which sounds exhausting, but it's a battle combating every negative thought. And I'm also speaking in my head saying, nope, that's not true, go away, and just then getting into a habit of flushing away those thoughts because you've got to be nice to yourself. Point number three is also really important, and this is considering other perspectives. And what I mean by this is if you catch yourself comparing yourself to others, you need to remember that their life isn't perfect because we all know that everyone has their own shit, whether it's family stuff. So when people show up on social media and they make themselves look really perfect with the perfect little life that you just want to punch a wall and be like, you're so annoying, you have to remember that there's so much going on behind the scenes that that you have no idea about, and they are definitely not living a perfect life. And this comes down to the career example again. If someone is talking about how amazing their career is and how happy they are, and you're thinking, I want that, you're comparing yourself to the best version of them. That's just one snippet of them, and there is parts of them that are just not that, and they don't always live in this perfect version of themselves, and you're only comparing yourself to the tip top of that, which is just not realistic again, because you're comparing your worst almost to their best, and it's like that's not an even playing field. Just always remember that when someone looks like they have a perfect life, they don't. They don't. There's so much going on that we don't know about. It's good to remember that because when you're thinking, Oh, I just feel like I'm the only one in this, you're not, and you're not alone, and we are all going through this. So just always remember that. You never know what's really going on. So that's another reason to not compare yourself to others. Number four is take action. This is actually my favourite point, and when I say take action, I mean you need to use this comparison because there is a way that we can reduce comparing ourselves to others, but I can't guarantee that we can stop it altogether. It's it's almost like using this comparison as a form of healthy competition, and I'm not saying competing against your friends, and there are ways you can use it to your advantage. The last one is don't let fear paralyse you. This is more of a statement, but it's so true. So comparison is the thief of joy, we know that, but it also allows you to be paralyzed by fear. This fear will push us into this hole and this box that we shove ourselves into and we think, okay, this is who I am, and I can't then go and excel and move away from this box. So many people don't realise how much they are paralysed by fear. That really difficult call that you have to have at work, or that vulnerable post that you want to you want to go put out there on Instagram, but you're really worried because you're worried of people judging you. The worry and the fear is always worse than actually the outcome. It's always not as scary once you've done it and you realize afterwards, oh, that wasn't even that bad. The worst part is just the before where you're fearing of just how bad it can be. I'm just using that as a big motto this year. I always in the morning go and reply to those texts that I just don't want to if I need if if there are any, and I'll just get it done because things just do get worse when you leave them and they wait and they linger, and then you have this regret of what if, you know, it's easier said than done, and I completely understand that, but we are literally so young. This is the time where you're supposed to take the risks, and I really believe that there is no better time than now. So genuinely just jump in with two feet. That's how I normally do things, and then I'll deal with the consequences later. So wrapping that up, the five top tips to help you stop comparing yourself to others to an extent were number one, recognize when you're most vulnerable and susceptible to comparison. Number two, practice self-compassion. Number three, considering other people's perspectives. So considering the fact that other people might not be as happy behind the scenes as you think they are. Number four, take action. So use this comparison as motivation to go and live and fulfill the life that you want. And number five, don't let fear paralyze you. If you're feeling kind of low or in a vulnerable place right now and you're starting to get down that deep dark hole of comparison, use these tips. Like try them out. If they don't work, come back to me. I think all of it really leads back to the thing that I drill on about all the time, and everyone is probably sick of hearing me talk about this. But that is getting out of your comfort zone, guys. That's my motto. So just remember that every time you get out of your comfort zone, good things are going to happen, and you'll then get stronger, you'll then compare yourself less, hopefully. And if you do, just be kind to yourself because it's it's already hard enough out there. Like life is difficult enough that you don't need to start making it harder for yourself. I hope that's a bit of self-love, motivation reminder. You are your own person on your own journey, not anyone else's journey. Have trust and faith that you're doing the right thing. Being in your 20s is so hard, and we were sold a dream that's not true, which means that your 20s are way harder than you thought. But that's okay because we're learning and we're growing together, especially in this little community that we've got here. So I hope you enjoyed this episode and found it useful. I would love to hear if you did. Write it in the comments. Please go and subscribe to the podcast, whatever you're watching this on, whether that is Spotify, Apple, uh, YouTube. Honestly, there's so many more, and I'm not gonna bore you with naming them. But it really means a lot and it helps us grow this little community. If you've listened this long, I really appreciate you. Go and do what you want to do and remember that you're doing great. And I shall see you guys next Wednesday.