The 20's Survival Guide

Single vs. Committed: Navigating Relationships in Your 20s

• Emily Astley • Season 1 • Episode 49

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This week's episode is about the age old long debate - what is is better? Being single, or being in a relationship in your 20's? 

In this episode we are weighing up the pros and cons of both to help you decide what option is best for you in your current lifestyle. 

Later, we talk about tips on how to find someone, why it is important to make the most of your single years in your 20's, and so much more. 

Whether you are in a relationship, or happy being single, this episode is for you!

Enjoy!

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Speaker 1:

Welcome back to another episode of the 20 survival guide. This is your host, emily Astley. We're going to get into a topic today which I just really need to discuss, and that is being single versus being in relationships. What is the better option? When you're in your 20s, you have so much freedom and it's the time in your life, some people would say, where you're supposed to focus on your career and focus on yourself, but, at the same time, being with someone is so rewarding, and when you're with the right person, it is something that can just make your life so much better and lift you up. And also things get a bit more serious now that we're not in our teens anymore. Every time you're in a relationship, you kind of consider if you can see that person being in your life forever, you know. So we're going to weigh up today the pros and cons versus being single and being in a relationship in your 20s. So, without further ado, let's get into the episode.

Speaker 1:

Okay, so whether you're single or in a relationship, this episode is still for you, and I'm not going to be saying in this episode like break up with your partner or you have to be in a relationship. It really just depends on you as a person. Are you a relationship person? Are you someone who prefers your own independence and freedom? And do you like being single? Right now, there's literally no pressure. I feel, like some people do say, that when you're in your 20s, you start to feel like you want to find someone. Personally, I'm in no rush. I am single and I've been single for a while now and I'm loving it and, honestly, disclosure, if the right person was to walk along, I do think I'd be in the right place to maybe see if I would want to be in a relationship. But if they don't, I'm also so fine because I'm loving, just focusing on me. At the moment we're going to weigh up the pros and cons and a lot of people say that the people who are single wish they're in a relationship and sometimes when you're in a relationship, you miss the single days. The grass is always greener. Let's get into the pros and cons.

Speaker 1:

So, starting with being single, the ultimate freedom and don't get me wrong I understand that when you're in the right relationship, your freedom shouldn't be taken from you, and that's just a fact. If it is, then it's probably slightly toxic and you should never have your freedom taken from you. You should always be able to see your friends have a balanced life and just have someone that improves it but doesn't control it. So I'm not saying that you lose all freedom when you get into a relationship. I'm just saying when you're single, it's a known fact, you're going to have so much more time for yourself.

Speaker 1:

So the pros of being single your freedom and independence. There's no need to compromise on things, compromising on acting a certain way or social plans. You have complete control of your calendar, your schedule, your social life. You know you can see whatever friends whenever you want, go out whenever you want. Everything is completely up to you and it's just so refreshing. If you wanted to move to another city, you could literally just get up and go, and that is something that lots of people are doing in their 20s. And when you're in a relationship, you kind of have to think of how are we going to make this work when we're in different places. But when you're single, you've got no strings attached. You can move to the US, you can move to wherever the hell you want and not even have a second thought. You can take a random solo trip If solo trips are your thing. You're loving the independence. You can just do it and there's nothing in the world that's stopping you. And I think that if you're in a relationship, it would be like why are you going somewhere so low when you can go with me? But again, everyone's relationship is different but essentially your freedom and independence is just so much more there, which I think is really important.

Speaker 1:

A lot of the time to have an at least experience for a while in your 20s, because this is that time where you're supposed to quote, unquote, find yourself, and I hate that. But this is the time for you to develop and grow and really just push yourself, because that's the best time in your life to do it is now. So having that freedom and independence, at one point in your 20s at least, is so important. Pro number two more time for self-discovery. Being single allows you to have self-growth. It gives you time time that you might not have to explore new ventures, explore potential business idea, explore another hobby and see if it's for you. You just have more time outside of you know your career, to see what you really enjoy doing, to spend more time on things that you love and you don't have to split yourself to give more time for something else so you can really discover, like, what makes you happy. You also don't have any needs or expectations from a partner. That's kind of always playing on your brain in a way, making you adjust your behavior in a in a sensible, right way, but you don't have anyone that you also have to consider. So everything is really in your own interest and in an unselfish way, because you have every right to be like that. But when you're single, you just can focus on what do you like, what personal hobbies you like. If you really are enjoying your career and you want to push for it, you can really progress even more because you've just got everything and all the time in the world to focus on that. So self-discovery is another amazing positive of being single.

Speaker 1:

Point number three for the pros list less drama and exhaustion. I think when you're in the right relationship there shouldn't be any toxic drama. But there are always arguments in relationships and that's just a given. And I think that when you are single you don't have to deal with arguments, you don't have to deal with that emotional exhaustion that you do when you have tiffs with partners, and that's just a plus. It is a plus because you can channel that energy into yourself, what you want to be doing. And sometimes when you hear from your friends, maybe, who are in relationships if you're not in one and they're telling you about some drama story or some argument they had and it's pretty nasty you're probably thinking, gosh, I'm really glad I don't have to worry about anyone else right now, in an unselfish way.

Speaker 1:

Another part of the drama, something that you have to put effort into, is checking in with this person, communicating with them. There's a reason to be on your phone, there's a reason to be calling someone, and when you are single you don't have this drama. You can literally just chuck your phone away and probably not have to contact anyone or let them know where you are. Obviously, parents like you you wouldn't do that, but you understand what I mean. You don't have to have this constant communication with someone, which is really important in a relationship, so that can be seen as a positive, the last positive of being single your social life is literally wide open. You have all this time to invest in your friends, your family, your hobbies, etc. Another perk of this is you can just go on as many dates as you want. You can flirt with whoever you want, you can spend time with whoever you want and there is genuinely no strings attached, and that can be so liberating because you just don't have to think.

Speaker 1:

Now we're going to get on to the cons of being single. There are a couple and although the pros sound amazing and they are there are definitely more pros of being single, but those are the main ones there are also some cons. They might apply to you, they might not, but one of them is loneliness. Loneliness can creep in and I'm talking about those nights where all you want to do is just have a cuddle or have someone to talk to or have a vent about your day and just laugh with someone until like the early hours of the morning. And when you don't have someone that you can just have a safe space with, which is different than your friends, because that's amazing and you'll have that. But then that different relationship with someone you don't have, that it's easy to feel slightly lonely, which can get quite tough, especially when you're a relationship person. Also, if you have a lot of friends and relationships, it's hard to not feel slightly lonely when you're constantly third wheeling them and that just becomes the norm and obviously they love you and they invite you to everything, but you just feel like a third wheel when it would be way more fun if you could have a boyfriend and go on a double date with them. And then, when you're going through tough moments in your life, when you're struggling, it's always nice when you have a partner to lean on.

Speaker 1:

Con number two of being single dating can be exhausting, and this is a huge one because dating has never been so hard. And this is a huge one because dating has never been so hard and I mean, I've only been alive for 22 years. But I can tell you that it's so tough because dating apps are exhausting and some people are not here for dating apps. Some people want to meet in person, but it's really hard to meet people in person, especially when you're working and you're in a big city. It's hard to meet people in person. Dating apps are really good because it makes it easier, but again, you just easily swipe and get the ick from everyone. There's like so many reasons. I don't even need to explain why dating is so hard, but it just is. That's exhausting.

Speaker 1:

Also, pouring yourself and your heart out to like new people and going on serial dates sounds really fun and exciting and it's like, oh, new day every week, like good for you. But it's actually exhausting because you have to do the small talk again. You have to talk about like, what's your favorite color, what do you like, all that stuff, and then pour yourself out slowly, your vulnerabilities and what you want in your life to someone who you don't really know is going to be there forever, like this could be a one date, this could be two dates, and especially if you go on a date with someone and it just goes terribly, you just feel like it's a waste of a night Getting up that emotional and social battery to be like, yes, I'm going to go and invest my time into someone else and see if they're worth my time. It's exhausting and it's really hard to do.

Speaker 1:

Last con of being single is you don't really have a partner to do fun life adventures. I know that sounds cringe, but I mean weddings, dates, like events that you need to go to. You haven't just got that plus one that you can always bring, which actually is really nice to be able to know that. Okay, I'm going to this party, I'm going to this wedding, like I'm going to bring my boyfriend, I'm going to bring this plus one. You know you don't have that, which is really nice to have that person to share those memories with. It's also nice sometimes to just have someone to do nothing with, and that's really underrated. Just having someone to sit next to you and you're both doing some reading or some work on the weekend, that simple just being together but not doing much together, is really underrated, because it's kind of just such a nice thing to have sometimes, and I think you don't have that person to do that with. You have someone who can call up and be like come over, I want to chat with you, and in a romantic way, which is just another con, because again, it sort of links back to that feeling of loneliness which you might feel from time to time.

Speaker 1:

Now we're going to move on to relationships, and relationships have a whole host of different pros and cons. Whether you're in one, whether you want one, whether you don't, it's just important to know, because it's really helpful when you're in your 20s to see is this something I want to get myself into? Is there a boy on hinge that I like? But do I want to make the leap? Let's see. So the pros of being in a relationship. There are many. Let's start with the first one.

Speaker 1:

You have emotional support and you have a deep connection with someone and honestly I'm going to be real with you there's just nothing quite like that. When you are in a great relationship and you're so in love with someone, love is just something that you just can't match with anything else. It's just a feeling not to get cringe that is just so unmatched and it's so beautiful and it's so fulfilling and it genuinely can make your life so much brighter and so much happier. When you're with someone that you love and if they're the right person, they can really make you a better person, even better than if you were single. So you have this deep emotional connection with someone, which is just so meaningful and it's so satisfying. They could be that built-in best friend for you who listens to all your rants and who hypes you up all the time and that's just really nice to have your own personal cheerleader and, of course, you are that person to them and it's just so, so wholesome and it's such a good feeling.

Speaker 1:

This also means you have someone who celebrates your wins with you. Like you know that if you've been in a relationship before, or if you're in a relationship, when you hear good news or something that's really important to you, the first person you're going to message is them, and you're going to want to tell them that because you know they're going to be so excited and celebrate with you. And also when you're going to want to tell them that because you know they're going to be so excited and celebrate with you. And also, when you're struggling, when you're going through bad times, emotional support is needed. They are also going to be the first person that you'll text and you can lean on them and you know that you don't have to worry sometimes, like with a friend if they're available for you, if they can take on whatever you're dealing with. You know that that's their job and they're always there to do that. So it's just nice to have someone who can celebrate your wins and also be there to pick you up when you're going through difficult times. Also, you just know that you're loved by this person and you feel valued by them every single day. And you don't need don't get me wrong a relationship to feel loved, because you can be loved by your friends and your family and everyone else in your life, but knowing that there's this specific person who genuinely loves the hell out of you and values you and is going to be there for you day in, day out is just an unmatched feeling and that is a massive, massive pro of being in a relationship.

Speaker 1:

Pro number two of being in a relationship is your shared life experiences. You can go traveling with this person. You can take them to that wedding, you can take them anywhere, and every life experience you have on your journey, in your 20s, in your, whatever age you are, you can share it with them. One of the best things in life is being able to share your experiences with others, because people always say, in the context of money, if you have lots of money, it's all great, but it's kind of sad if you don't have anyone to share it with. You know you want friends to be able to enjoy it with, and it's the same thing with life experiences. When you're in a relationship and you have someone to share those experiences with, it's just so much more beautiful. Sometimes you also have your inside jokes, your tv series that you binge watch together and your shared hobbies. Those things are really underrated and that's just something. That's also really nice to have someone who just kind of gets you.

Speaker 1:

Pro number three of being in a relationship is stability and security. You have that sense of partnership, that someone has your back. You can be that person that goes to parties, goes on nights out, but you don't have to worry about guys or girls. You don't have to worry about impressing people. You know you've got your partner and you can be yourself with them and they know you. You don't have to meet new people or impress anyone on a night out because you've got that stability at home. Now that you're in your 20s and you might be starting to think about having someone who's in your life more for the long term, that's another positive to the security and stability aspect because you can start thinking about your long-term planning with this person, what you both want your life to look like, what goals you have that you can work towards together and that's just really nice. If they are someone who is going to be your potential partner for life, you can work on that together.

Speaker 1:

The fourth pro of being in a relationship is just regular physical affection and let's be real, like that is really nice just to be able to have affection from someone and you just don't get that on tap when you are single like you just don't. I mean, you might get it a lot, but you don't get it. The same way, having someone who you can always have a cuddle with and call over for a cuddle or have a kiss, that is so nice and underrated. I think I'd put that as my second top pro, alongside emotional connection, of being in a relationship. Another side of that is you really just don't have to wonder about who you're going on a date with next, if you've got another date from that person, if they want to go on another date with you, where you're going to go, if you're putting in too much effort, what you know, all of the factors that comes with dating. You just genuinely don't have to worry about that because you've got your physical partner, your affectionate partner, the person that loves you at home, like you really just don't have to worry about that because you've got your physical partner, your affectionate partner, the person that loves you at home like you really just don't have to worry about dating. And it's so nice. I am single, so I'm genuinely not in that position, but I've been there before and it's so nice. Also, you have that emotional intimacy, not just physical intimacy, because being able to be emotionally intimate with someone and have that connection is just so underrated, which you don't get. You might get physical intimacy when you're single, but you don't have that emotional intimacy that you have with a partner, which is just so unmatched as well. Those were some pretty good pros of being in a relationship, and if you're thinking, oh my God, those sound really good and I really want a relationship, let me tell you some of the cons. After you listen to this, maybe you can reassess.

Speaker 1:

First con of being in a relationship is you have less independence and personal time. It's just a fact. You know, you might have your full independence as a person, but you don't have it the same way as you do when you're single, which is quite an important factor to think about when you're in your 20s. What do you want? Do you want that independence now? So this means you're compromising on things you might not want to do or places you might not want to go but it makes the other person happy. Or spending time going to their events or sports games or whatever it might be that you would never go to if you were single, but you're doing all of this and investing all this time into them because you love them. It's just something you've got to do.

Speaker 1:

A lot of the time you'll find your friends or yourself if you're in a relationship, and there's nothing wrong about this. But you, if you're making big life decisions, or if you're making any decisions from where you want to go to eat that night, you are going to have to check in with someone to talk about it before you even make your decision. You can't just make a decision off of a whim. A lot of the time you have to call your partner and, like, talk about it if it involves them, and a lot of the time it will. So that's just another thing which is kind of exhausting. And if you just want to be independent and make your own decisions without anyone infiltrating them, relationships are really difficult to do that.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes you just want a weekend to yourself. If you've had a long week of work and you are just so emotionally and physically exhausted and drained and drained of a social battery you might have the only time to see your partner on a weekend. I know I'm making it sound like a chore and you're probably thinking if you're in a relationship and you're really happy, that's such a joy. That's something you love to do and, of course, most of the time you'd be really excited to see them. But it can also be exhausting when you just want some personal time and you have to, let's say, go to a football match for them. You know, you understand where I'm coming from and could probably tell that football's not my favorite thing, but you've got to do it for some people. Especially if your boyfriend's obsessed with any football team, I'm sure he's dragged you to a game, and if you're single, just be grateful that you're not being dragged to any football games, because I am, unless you like football.

Speaker 1:

Second con of a relationship, you could probably guess what I'm about to say, and this is arguments. Arguments that you just have to endure, because it's just normal to have arguments in a relationship, like you don't know where they're gonna pop up, but they will. Sometimes you'll have fights about literally where you wanna eat for dinner, or it could be something about how they behaved on a night out, something that just maybe doesn't need to be thought about Little bickers as well as arguments. They just come up when you're in a relationship and that takes up quite a lot of energy and exhaustion and you just have to do that. It comes with the job description.

Speaker 1:

Fighting is normal when you are so close to someone and you grow as a person with them, but it is something that you just have to put effort into. Also, as much as you can lean on them which is such a great positive when you're going through difficult lifetimes and patches in your life, you also have to let them lean on you, so you have to give your time to them and bear their emotions as well as your own. So as much as you want to think about your emotions, you always have to think about their emotions, and I'm not saying that in a selfish way, it's just a con that can be a con that you have to think about. Whether you're emotionally available or not, whether you're going through a hard time or not, if they're going through a tough time, you have to be there for them. So that's another thing that you have to think about. And this also just sums it up to say that relationships aren't always fun and games Like they are work.

Speaker 1:

When you've been with someone for a little while, relationships take work and energy. That feels sometimes like work to put in to make it work, because I know I've just said work like 70 times you have to make a relationship work and that doesn't just happen. You have to put in the effort, you have to put in the time, you have to put in the fights and the tears and the sweat and all of that to make a relationship successful. It's so easy to think when you're wishing to be in a relationship or you are in the early stages of a relationship, that it's always going to be great and flowers and daisies and roses and rainbows and whatever. It's not, because when you have big fights, when you have issues and things need to be resolved, instead of just giving up on someone like, how can we work together to both be better people? And it's not always easy to do that. So relationships can be work. The fun part needs to outweigh the work, but they can be. It's just a known fact and if you can't put up with that, then how are you going to be with that person for the rest of your life?

Speaker 1:

The last con of being in a relationship is the expectation and pressure that you have with this person. This means family and social pressure, for example. Let's say we're further down the line, or maybe you're in this position now. When are you guys going to move in? When do you want kids? When are you going to get married? Personally, I'm 22 and if you guys are in your early 20s, this might not even be on your brain. You might be thinking I am nowhere near ready to move in with someone. I have literally been with them for six months. That's fine. Obviously, those things tend to come mid-20s, late 20s, but it is something to think about and if you are in those stages of your life, that's something you have to think about and that gets stressful because are you ready? They're really big life decisions and it just is quite pressurizing to feel like am I making the right decision here? All of these factors need to be weighed up.

Speaker 1:

Another thing, guys, is the emotional highs, the great parts of the relationship. They also can come with the potential of heartbreak, and that's can be inevitable when you're not with this person for the rest of your life. If you don't see them as being your forever person, then there could be heartbreak, and putting yourself out there with all your emotions and investing that into someone means that you also are at risk of being heartbroken, and that's really hard. And I'm not saying that that's a reason why you shouldn't be in a relationship because you're putting yourself out there absolutely not. It's really important that we do put ourselves out there because if we do go through heartbreak, I'm a big believer that heartbreak can really make you grow and evolve as a person for your own benefits, because although you're really really distraught and crushed and when you are heartbroken it's really difficult and it takes you time to get back to your normal self once you are back in your normal self you've just grown, I think, into a bigger, better person. I always find myself way more knowledgeable and happier in myself when I've gone through heartbreak and I've gotten over it.

Speaker 1:

You can also see this as being responsible for someone else's happiness, and I don't necessarily mean that that is your full job. When your partner is not happy, you might feel responsible, you might feel the need to compensate. All these things are just extra stress and extra energy that you need to expend for that person. So those are really important negatives that you need to think about. But overall, my verdict is do what's right for you.

Speaker 1:

It really might not be everyone's cup of tea to want to be in a relationship right now or to want to be single right now, and it really just depends where you are in your life, are you happy within yourself? Because the main thing is to remember that you've always got yourself and I say this all the time, but you've always, always got yourself for the rest of your life. You might not always have that partner for the rest of your life, but you know that you've always got you. So making sure that you're happy within yourself before you get into a relationship, so that you can actually deal with giving that emotional energy to someone, is really important. And if you feel like you still need to do some self-discovery and you still need a lot more personal growth or you're really putting your all into your career right now, then this might just be your growth moment, your growth years or your growth period in general, and it's okay to not feel like you need to be in a relationship, like this might be your time to shine and then, once you hit that milestone that you wanted, you're really there for someone else to walk into your life and you'll be available for it. But honestly, I do think the best things come when you're not looking, and I hate that phrase, but it really just depends.

Speaker 1:

Do you want to be in a relationship? Do you want to be single. We're still in that time of our lives, in your 20s, where it's completely socially acceptable to be in a relationship or not. It really just doesn't matter what anyone else thinks and you should really do what's best for you, what you're feeling is right in your life. It's also okay to be wanting to be in a relationship if you're not in one. There's no shame in that. If you feel like you're emotionally available and you really would love a partner, then by all means means go out there and date. Make sure that you dedicate time to it and good things will come your way if you are open about it and open to new opportunities. So, honestly, they both are great being single and being in a relationship and there is just no one better option, I think, at this time in our lives. Also, if you're single and you really want to be in a relationship, like I've just mentioned, it's great and you can 100% go and look, but enjoy where you are now and make the most of it, because you might actually end up being in a relationship in the next six months and you'll be thinking OK, I wish I enjoyed that last period of time when I was single a bit more and I made the most of it. So you really just don't know what's around the corner, whether you're in a relationship or not. Just enjoy where you are now and make the most of it.

Speaker 1:

And my last piece of advice, which I think you should take away from this episode, is don't rush into anything because you feel like you should. So don't rush into a relationship because you feel like you should. So don't rush into a relationship because you feel like you should. Don't break up with someone because you feel like you should be single in your 20s, because you just feel like you should. You know, break up with someone if you're not happy in the relationship, but just don't do that. If the relationship's going great and you're just like this is supposed to be time where I'm supposed to be single and discovering myself. Don't do anything because you feel like you should do it, because it feels right. So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I definitely enjoyed talking about it. I think it was quite a therapeutic one to really weigh up my own positives and negatives. I hope you guys have an amazing rest of your week and I shall see you next week. Bye, thank you.

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